


Don't Recall

by t_dragon



Series: Don't Recall/Calling Out [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Past Kim Minseok | Xiumin/Lu Han, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 13:53:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13191465
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/t_dragon/pseuds/t_dragon
Summary: Almost three years after the painful departure of Luhan, Minseok suddenly once more comes face to face with his former lover.





	Don't Recall

**Author's Note:**

> Actually the first fic I ever posted on AFF, and even though with everything that has happened, I decided to post it here for you guys to read as well.

 As Minseok turned around, he came face to face with someone he never thought he would see again. At least not in real life.

 It was a face he sometimes had to endure whilst smiling up at him from a screen or a photo. It was a face he had once loved. It was a face he now despised.

 “Baozi,” Luhan murmured as a gentle smile curled his lips upwards.

 “No,” was all Minseok managed to get out, the harsh tone mirroring his screeching feelings.

 Luhan’s face fell fast, and Minseok forced the pang of pain away before it made him do something he would regret.

 How the hell was he still feeling guilty over hurting this man?

 “What? What’s wrong?” Luhan asked, reaching out a hand to touch Minseok’s cheek, but he slapped it away.

 There was no mistaking the hurt in Luhan’s eyes.

 “Baozi… Minseok, what is it? We see each other for the first time in years, and you act like this towards me?” Luhan asked, voice raw. “Why are you so cold towards me?”

 “What? I’m acting cold towards you?” Minseok sputtered, hardly believing his ears. “You left me all alone without a single text or phonecall, and now you think I’m cold?”

 Luhan frowned as he tried to take a step towards Minseok, the latter parrying with a step back.

 “You know I had to leave. And I’m sorry I couldn’t keep in contact, but it was for the best. I’m here now, though.”

 “We ran into each other at an awards show, and you make it sound like you planned it all. And so what if you’re here now, you weren’t there before,” Minseok hissed, rage blinding him from the pain momentarily.

 “I had no choice! I thought you understood!” Luhan raised his voice, frustration evident.

 “How could I understand when you never told me anything?” Minseok shot back. “I obviously wasn’t important enough for you to keep in contact, or at least tell me what was going on. You were suddenly just gone, and now you’re back hoping for me to forgive you? Are you completely stupid?”

 Minseok hated himself over the fact that the sudden shininess in Luhan’s eyes got to him. Why should he care about the tears of the man that left him drowning in his?

 “Minseok,” Luhan whispered, his voice wavering slightly as he slipped into his mother tongue. “I love you. I never wanted to leave, but I had to. You saw how badly I was doing. I never meant to hurt you…”

 “Maybe you should’ve thought about that a little earlier,” Minseok answered him back in Mandarin, surprising the younger man slightly with his evolved skills, and that made Minseok feel a bit better. He did not need to rely on Luhan anymore, in more ways than one. “Because you hurt me. You hurt me a lot, and I don’t think I can move past that. I told you I loved you and that I would always be there for you, and yet you bottled it up inside and left without a word, throwing me and my heart away. It was supposed to be the two of us! How do you think it made me feel? I’ll give you a hint - totally worthless!”

 Luhan drew a shuddering breath as he visibly tried to calm down and pull himself together, and Minseok did not understand why he was having such a hard time. He was the one who left.

 “I know I fucked up,” Luhan said, switching back to Korean. “I really do. Just give me a chance to prove to you that I still love you and that I still care?”

 “No,” Minseok said, his voice adamant. “No. I can’t go back to the way it was before. All of my memories of you are destroyed. I never thought that would ever happen, but it did, you left me, and this is the price you have to pay. Go and let your gymnast ride your pain away, because I’m never coming back. Let’s just pretend not to know each other anymore. It wouldn’t be that far from the truth anyway.”

 With those words, Minseok pushed past a Luhan too shocked to do anything more than stare into the empty space, mouth fallen open. Sure, he might have been a bit too harsh, but Minseok was tired of his broken heart and all the pain it caused him. This was the clean break he needed to finally get over this stupid  _ boy _ .

 As Minseok reached the door, Jongdae opened it, obviously looking for him. Luhan unfroze at that moment, immediately reaching for Minseok, but the latter blocked him with the surprised Jongdae.

 “Minseok! Baozi! You can’t just leave like this!” Luhan yelled as Jongdae formed a blockade in the doorway, shaking his head.

 “I’m sorry, hyung. It’s not going to work. He’s cried so much over you that he’s sick and tired of it all, and you won’t get through to him now,” Jongdae said, a smile filled with sadness and pity on his lips as he saw the single tear run down his former co-members cheek. “I’m really sorry.”

 Jongdae had been there after it all. He, Yixing and Zitao had been locked in with Minseok during the chaos after their members walking out on them, and they had grieved together, finding comfort in each other. The entire experience had hurt them so much, and even more so after Zitao’s departure, but they had come out on the other side stronger and with unbreakable bonds to each other.

 So Jongdae knew that Luhan’s attempts were futile. He knew how much Minseok had been hurting, and how much he still was hurting, over it all. And he fully understood how betrayed Minseok felt, even though he also understood Luhan had to do what he did.

 “I’m sorry,” Jongdae said again, and Luhan forced a small smile on his lips, even though he was still frowning and trying to keep his tears back.

 “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I fucked up. I just wish… I just wish I could get a second chance,” Luhan mumbled.

 Nodding, Jongdae reached over and pulled Luhan into a hug. Jongdae had been the first to recover, considering he did not have the same ties to the rest as Minseok and Yixing had. Jongdae was the first one to smile and try to help the others back up on their feet. He was the first to forgive the ex members, and honestly, he was missing them.

 “I’m sorry for just bailing on you like that,” Luhan sobbed into Jongdae’s shoulder.

 “It’s okay, I understand. Minseok does, too, deep down inside, but it’s still too fresh and raw for him. Don’t worry, hyung,” Jongdae said, rubbing comforting circles over the older’s back.

 Pulling back, there was a genuine smile on Luhan’s face now, as he dried his tears.

 “Thank you, Jongdae. I’ve really missed your positivity,” Luhan said, and Jongdae flashed his trademark grin.

 

 Minseok was sitting at the very back of the car, staring straight into the curtain blocking his view through the window. He had managed to sneak out without being seen by their fans, not having the strength to deal with them right now.

 As the other members began to pile into the car, none spoke a single word to him. They shot him worried looks, but accepted his need to be left alone, and he assumed Jongdae had talked to them and let them know what had happened. Maybe they had even said hello to Luhan. Most of the other members’ bitter feelings had faded by now, considering how long ago it all had went down. And they all knew why, ultimately, the three ex members had decided to do what they did, and no one really blamed them.

 Except for Minseok.

 He could understand it all. He could understand and he did, but that just covered Yifan and Zitao. Yifan had already tried to leave, so there was no surprise when he actually tried again and succeeded, and with everything Zitao went through, that did not come as such a big surprise either.

 But Luhan. Luhan, he could not understand.

 He had seen how tired Luhan was. How sick of it all he was, and how actual  _ sick _ he was. But they had promised each other forever, no secrets, and Luhan had broken each and every promise. Every time Minseok had been worried, Luhan had smiled and told a lie. Never once had he let Minseok in on his plans, and then he was suddenly gone.

 Luhan had left Minseok in the cold night without a clue to what had happened, and now he was back begging for another chance?

 All of Minseok’s memories with Luhan were tainted, how could Minseok ever trust the other man again? How could he trust in Luhan not suddenly just packing his bag and leaving? They had shared so much, but apparently it was not enough, and Minseok was tired of caring.

 Caring, crying, hurting.

 He did not mind having to live all of his life alone, he just wanted his heart to start beating normally again, and for him to be able to breath properly again.

 Releasing the sigh through his nose, Minseok leaned his head back and closed his eyes as he blocked Luhan out of his mind and heart. The person he once thought was the love of his life, was now not much more than a familiar stranger.

 And Minseok would not have it any other way.

 

 Being the person to sit beside Minseok during the long ride home, Jongdae witnessed his breakdown with worried eyes. His hyung had been starting to get back to his old self again, if a bit more tired and a bit less happy, and now he crumbled once more.

 Was this really the way to go? Was trying to push Luhan as far back as possible really the right way to go about things? After all, Minseok and Luhan had been so close and shared so many things, what if Luhan was the only thing that could satisfy Minseok’s poor mind and heart?

 Feeling as if he was being watched, Jongdae tore his eyes away from his friend to find Baekhyun staring at them worried eyes. Ever since the founding of their sub-group, they had been getting even closer to each other, and Jongdae knew Baekhyun felt the same as he did.

 How could they fix this?, Baekhyun’s eyes said, but Jongdae just shrugged, biting back the sigh.

 Should they attempt to do something to help, or was it better for Minseok to take care of it himself? After all, he had been doing better, but if a simple meeting could bring him this far beneath the sea level again… They were bound to run into each other again at other award ceremonies and the likes, considering they worked in the same field, and it was a wonder it had not happened until tonight. They could not have Minseok break down like this every time they saw Luhan in real life. It would never work, and Minseok’s mental health would snap pretty quickly.

 Chewing on his lower lip, Jongdae came to the conclusion that maybe it was time for him to intervene after all. He had no idea what he could do to help, but he was sure he would figure it out. After all, the car was filled with seven other people who loved their oldest member just as much.

 Surely, they would be able to come up with something together? Because, after all, EXO…

 We Are One.

**Author's Note:**

> Please do remember that this is almost a year old now, so don't tear me apart too much... :') was actually written because I was squealing over XiuHan, wanted some fics, couldn't find too many good ones, and thought - why not write one myself? So, uh, yeah, I did, and then I wrote a sequel and some drabbles, and now here we are, 30 fics/drabbles later :')


End file.
